You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i now understand why vodka
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
