somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Two words: blizzard sex
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
