hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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