apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
