Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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