i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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