I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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