I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
