I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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