I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
