Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
