Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
