I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
