um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
third nipple confirmed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
