I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
