Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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