I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
