This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
