He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
