Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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