On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
