So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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