So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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