So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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