So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize