Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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