Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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