Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
