Got a toothbrush?
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
