My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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