You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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