I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's shark week go big or go home
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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