ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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