my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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