It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Alive.
So much puke
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
