I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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