hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
