you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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