I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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