Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Randomize
