I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
