I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
