I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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