By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize