We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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