My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
