hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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