i just wanna soil my oats bro
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She even gives head with a lisp.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
