Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
