the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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