He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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