There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
