I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
