I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
