After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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