mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
