why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
