I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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