my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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