she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
