You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
