the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
