one word: firstdatebathroomanal
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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