I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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