Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
