Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
