i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
