I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
