I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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