soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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