Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
