You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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