Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
