Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
