I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Panties = found
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
