the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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