doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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