Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ruined the universe
Randomize
