Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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