she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
