Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
