i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize