I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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