maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
