people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
