piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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