God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
