Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
