You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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