I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
vagina is talking i cant
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
