This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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