You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
