Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
