There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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