I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
