My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
