We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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