i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
