u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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