its not stalking. its research.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
