She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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