I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
