well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
