No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
