I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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