I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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