I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
