It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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