I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
