Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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